It's Good to be Neighborly
by comicbooklovergreen
Summary: Sarah said she'd be there if Kaci ever needed anything. Sarah starts to regret that promise when she and Cameron are forced to attend their neighbor's baby shower. Liquid metal terminators might actually be preferable to this.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **I started this one months ago, during my last TSCC binge. Then I moved on to another binge without finishing it, and it's been haunting my hard drive ever since. As you can probably guess, this is one of those fics that you can't take too seriously if you want to enjoy it. Constructive criticism is shamelessly begged for, just keep in mind that this is the first time I've tackled Cameron's character, and the first time I've written a Sarah Connor tale that isn't utterly depressing.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. If they were, we'd still have a show, and I wouldn't be in a constant state of mourning.

* * *

><p>Storming into the kitchen, Sarah yanked open the fridge, grabbing hold of the last beer on the shelf. Pushing the door closed, Sarah removed the cap and took a long, long drag. As she took the bottle away from her lips, the front door came open. Derek joined her in the kitchen a few seconds later, one eyebrow raised. "It's ten in the morning."<p>

"Thanks for the update," Sarah replied testily. "Haven't seen much of you lately."

"Been busy, leads to check out."

"Really. What kind of leads?"

"The kind that didn't lead anywhere." Derek had opened the fridge while they talked, frowning at its contents. Shutting it again, he crossed his arms and looked at Sarah. "Was that the last beer?"

Sarah brought the bottle to her lips before answering. "Sorry."

Derek rolled his eyes, gesturing at the bottle. "I bought that for me."

"Sorry," Sarah repeated. "Sometimes I forget you still live here, except when I get stuck doing your laundry." She took a final, protracted swig, finishing draining the bottle within seconds of opening it. Closing the distance between them, Sarah handed Derek the empty bottle. "I'll try and remember next time."

"Maybe we should get labels," Derek groused, setting the remains of his last twelve pack aside.

"Maybe you should get better beer."

"What's your problem today?"

Sarah shook her head in irritation. "I need you to grace us with your presence for a few hours. I told John not to bring the girl back here, you'll have to see that he doesn't."

"Why me?"

"Because I have things to do," Sarah replied, moving past him to get to the living room.

"What kinds of things?" Derek pressed, trailing in her wake.

"The kinds of things that don't concern you," Sarah retorted, looking towards the stairs. "Where's Cameron?"

"I'm right here," the terminator replied. She'd entered soundlessly through the back, seeming to materialize out of nowhere. Derek jumped at hearing her voice so close behind him.

"God," he said angrily. "Do you need to do that?"

Cameron tilted her head sideways. "Sarah asked where I was. It seemed prudent to respond."

"Did it seem _prudent _to give me a coronary?"

Cameron tilted her head further. "That was not my intention. If I wanted to cause you coronary distress-"

"-it would be much easier to rip my chest open. Yeah, I know."

"If you know, then why did you ask?"

"Forget that," Sarah interrupted. "Anything on your robot agenda for this afternoon?"

"Yes. You instructed me to monitor John's activities and to keep Riley the hell out."

"That's his job now," Sarah replied, nodding towards Derek. "You're coming with me."

"Where to?"

"Shopping trip."

"You arrange a weapons buy?" Derek asked.

"No," was the terse reply. "Get the keys," she ordered, locking eyes with the cyborg.

Cameron didn't move. "Are we going to engage in female bonding rituals?"

"What?"

"Shopping with another female is traditionally seen as a female bonding ritual. Is that what we're going to do?"

"I'd like to see that." John's voice preceded him down the stairs. He approached the others, giving his mother an appraising look. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Cameron and I are going out for awhile, you're staying here."

"I don't need a babysitter."

John's comment was ignored. "Where are you going to be?" Derek questioned. "Something going on I should know about?"

Sarah paused again, wishing she had another drink. "Kaci's having a baby shower, I promised I'd be there."

John chuckled disbelievingly. "Are you serious?"

"Trevor's mother is throwing it; it's mostly going to be the mother's friends. She said she needed a friendly face."

"And she asked you?" Derek retorted. "Now that's desperation."

"She asked and you agreed?" said John, unable to comprehend this bit of news.

"Look, I promised I'd be there for her if she needed anything." It was true. She'd just hoped that Kaci _wouldn't _need anything. Especially not this.

"You failed to mention this earlier," Cameron remarked.

"I'm mentioning it now. Get the keys."

Cameron didn't move. "How will attending Kaci's baby shower aid in our mission?"

It wasn't bad enough that John was questioning her at every turn. She also had to get it from her pretend-daughter. Sarah didn't remember John's 'Uncle Bob' being this difficult. "It'll aid in our cover. Kaci invited both of us, said she hardly ever sees you."

"She is correct."

"Yeah, and she's also going to be suspicious if we don't behave like mother and daughter every once in awhile."

Cameron thought about this. "Would you like to call me a bitch in front of Kaci? You called me a bitch in front of a police officer while pretending to be my stepmother."

"Since when has she needed permission to insult you?"

Shooting her son a dangerous look, Sarah continued her explanation to the metal. "It'll look weird if we blow her off at the last minute. You understand?"

"Yes," Cameron replied after a beat of silence. "It's good to be neighborly."

Derek shook his head. "I can't believe this."

Sarah resisted the urge to injure him. Barely. "What?" she snapped.

"You getting all buddy-buddy with a woman who's married to a cop."

"Kaci is not married," the metal girl interrupted. "Trevor is merely her baby-daddy."

"You know what I mean," Derek argued, looking at Sarah rather than Cameron.

"I know what you mean. The cop's never there when I am, he's not going to be there today." Sarah paused, preparing to use the weapon that would end this debate. "Though Kaci did say you two were welcome to come along."

John and Derek looked at each other, looked back at her. "Huh?"

The brunette smirked at her son's panic. "It's a co-ed thing. She's not really expecting any guys to show up, but-"

The sentence was never finished. Derek expressed a sudden need to mow the lawn, and John suddenly decided that he needed to catch up on his homeschooling lessons. Sarah watched in amusement as Derek practically ran for the back door and John practically fell up the stairs in his haste to retreat. Next time she needed to light a fire under his ass, she'd know what to say.

"Why would you want to light a fire under John's ass? Wouldn't that damage him?"

She'd spoken aloud without realizing. "It's an expression. Come on, we have to pick up something for Kaci."

"John's room is full of childish things. We can give Kaci's child something from John's room."

"Kaci was in charge of getting this place rented, she's seen all that stuff before."

"Oh," Cameron replied, seemingly forgetting that bit of information. "It's not cool to re-gift."

"No. Can we go now?"

"My databases indicate that baby shower gifts are often meant to be practical."

Sarah nodded tightly, confirming the idea of purchasing something that would be useful to either mother or baby. Cameron then pulled out her Glock, offering it to Sarah. "What are you doing?"

"Guns are extremely useful."

Sarah ordered her to put the weapon away. "Guns and children don't mix."

"John began firearms training at the age of-"

"John's different," the brunette said irritably. "Anyway, re-gifting isn't cool, remember?"

"Oh. Right." Cameron thought for a moment, doing an abrupt about-face and heading for the back door.

"Hold it. What do you think you're doing?"

Cameron halted her movements, glancing at Sarah over her shoulder. "I'm going to the shed. For tools."

"What kind of tools?" Sarah asked. She didn't bother trying to guess at the answer, not even within her own head. Ever since the explosion, Cameron seemed to get more clueless, more unpredictable, and more infuriating with each passing day.

"I'm going to build Kaci a bomb shelter. It's not a re-gift, and it will be extremely useful after the world ends."

"Lovely as that thought is, fallout shelters take time and building permits. She's registered at a store downtown, let's go."

* * *

><p>"You seem distressed," observed Cameron.<p>

Sarah gunned the Jeep's engine without responding, beating the yellow light a millisecond before it turned red.

"You broke the rules of the road. You're supposed to slow down when-"

"Thanks, I took Driver's Ed."

Cameron tilted her head slightly, considering the response. "Was your instructor a man? Did you engage in sexual relations with him?"

"What?" Sarah asked, whipping her head towards the passenger seat. "What the hell-"

"Eyes on the road at all times," advised the metal. Reaching over, Cameron took hold of the wheel, saving them from swerving into the oncoming lane. "Your hands are positioned incorrectly. Think of the wheel as a clock. Your hands should be-"

"I know where my hands should be," Sarah hissed, gesturing for the metal to move her own fingers. "What the hell was that?"

"I was merely suggesting ways to improve your driving technique."

"Not that, the other thing."

"Oh. Jessica Cranberg was very stupid."

Dammit. There was a first-aid kit in the truck, emergency flares, emergency guns. Why had Sarah not thought to pack emergency thermite in the trunk? "Am I supposed to know who that is?"

"She attended school with John and I, before the move. She was very stupid, particularly in math. Yet she received A's. I chose to investigate this."

"You chose to investigate your math teacher instead of trying to keep my son alive. Great."

"Only during lunch, and only for one day. I walked past Mr. Syke's classroom and found him and Jessica Cranberg sprawled across the desk, engaging in sexual relations." After that, Cameron engaged her deductive reasoning programs and came to a conclusion about the reason for Jessica's high math scores.

Surprised, Sarah glanced at her robot companion. "Sexual relations. And you're the only one who saw this?"

"Apparently."

Disgusted, Sarah unconsciously pressed the accelerator. "The joys of public schooling."

"Jessica allowed herself to be used as a sexual object in order to pass math. Did you do the same thing in order to pass Driver's Ed?"

"_What_?" Sarah exclaimed, glaring daggers at the metal girl. "I…what…_what_?"

"The road, Sarah." Again, Cameron took the wheel, saving them from rear-ending a city bus. "Was that bad to say? It seemed like a logical conclusion."

"It seemed _logical _to you that I fucked a fifty-year-old married woman to get through Driver's Ed?" Sarah fumed, shoving Cameron's hands off the wheel.

"My information about your past is not that extensive, I was unaware of the gender of your instructor. You should calm down, it's not good to drive angry."

Sarah made a derisive noise. "Then I guess I should never be allowed to drive."

Cameron nodded. "Ideally not. Our likelihood of being involved in a fiery crash increases by 72.4% whenever you take the wheel. When you're angry, that likelihood increases by-"

"Nobody likes a backseat driver," Sarah snapped.

"But I'm not in the backseat."

"Did it ever occur to you that my anger might be related to being trapped in a tiny, metal machine with a very annoying, metal machine?"

"You insisted that I accompany you."

"_Kaci_ insisted, _I _didn't have a choice."

"You always have a choice. There is no fate-"

"Shut up."

"You're speeding again."

"We're late as is."

"When did Kaci invite you to her shower?"

"Two weeks ago," Sarah replied, after a moment's thought.

"Yes," Cameron replied, sounding thoughtful herself. "I remember Kaci calling and you being upset."

"It wasn't because of Kaci, I was upset already."

"Yes. Because you walked in on John with his tongue down Riley's throat. The situation could have been worse. John could have had his hand up Riley's blouse. Or down her pants. Boys often make attempts to get into a girl's-"

"I know what boys do, Cameron."

"You told me to keep an eye on John and Riley. Do you wish to be informed if John attempts to get into-"

"No! Yes. Change the subject, Cameron."

"I don't understand. Your response was contradictory."

"Change. The subject. _Cameron_."

" Two weeks seems like ample notice. Why did you wait so long to prepare for this baby shower?"

Because she'd been hoping something else would come up. Hoping there would be cops or Cromartie, or anything that would allow Sarah to skip this thing without feeling guilty. "I just did."

"Procrastination is not among your usual personality traits."

"Well, maybe I've got more than one personality," Sarah retorted, gritting her teeth in frustration.

"Unlikely. Genuine cases of multiple personality disorder are rare. However, given your status as an escaped mental patient-"

"Look, we're here," Sarah interrupted, pulling into the lot of what looked to be a warehouse store specializing in baby items. "Hurry up," she ordered, throwing open her door. "We're supposed to be at Kaci's in half an hour."

"We will have to be fashionably late. It's highly unlikely that we'll be able to obtain a gift and return home within that timeframe."

"We might be able to manage it if you shut up and move. Anyway, we go in, we grab something, we get out. How hard can that be?"

* * *

><p>"How the hell do you work this thing?" Sarah muttered. She and Cameron were standing in front of a computer kiosk that, supposedly, would allow them to print out Kaci's baby gift list. "Dammit," Sarah hissed, glancing at her watch and slamming the keys. Even here, technology continued to conspire against her.<p>

"Damaging the computer will not help."

"Well then you figure it out," Sarah barked. "Isn't there a cord or something for you to plug yourself into, make this go faster?"

"I do not have a cord," Cameron replied, hands flying over the keyboard. "Besides, manually connecting myself to the store's computer network would cause unwanted attention." Punching in a final command, Cameron grabbed Kaci's gift list as it printed out. "Here"

"Thanks," was the grudging reply. Despite having spent the majority of the drive here fantasizing about incinerating her, Sarah had to admit that the Tin Miss had her uses. Ten minutes later, Sarah was wishing fervently that one of those uses involved a GPS tracker.

"How do they expect people to find anything in here?" she groused, traversing aisle after endless aisle. Eight million bits of merchandise, seemingly organized at random. "What's that map say?" Sarah asked.

Cameron trailed a few steps behind, carrying six pages worth of gift requests. Sarah had thrust the list back at her when they started this scavenger hunt. Shuffling the papers, Cameron read, "Our current location is aisle 17-D." Checking this against the aisle markers above their heads, she continued, "Aisle 17-D should contain strollers and safety equipment."

"Of course it should." Shaking her head, Sarah gazed at her surroundings. Diapers on one shelf, stuffed animals next to those, pacifiers next to those. And not an employee in sight to guide her through this hellhole.

"This list seems excessive," Cameron remarked. "How many items can one child require?"

"You'd be surprised," Sarah replied. By now, she was on the point of grabbing the first decent thing that caught her eye. _Baby Loves Jazz:_ _Greatest Hits Volume 2. _Sarah hated jazz. She knew from their not-infrequent bits of small-talk that Kaci did as well. So much for that.

"I still find it excessive," Cameron declared. "Babies lack full cognitive development. Kaci's baby won't even realize that he has this many things."

"It's not all about the baby, some of it's for the mother. Kaci will need all that stuff." Sarah picked up and quickly discarded what seemed to be an industrial-size bottle of peach baby food.

"You had a child."

"Thanks for letting me know."

"You didn't have a baby shower, you didn't receive all of these gifts."

"Doesn't mean I didn't _want _a baby shower," Sarah replied. She couldn't help the hint of wishful sadness that crept into her voice. "Doesn't mean I wouldn't have liked for people to come over with gifts, celebrate John and I. Kaci deserves that. Every mother does."

Closing the distance between them, Cameron observed Sarah closely. "You are distressed again."

"I'm not distressed," Sarah argued, annoyed by her moment of melancholy. She distracted herself by examining a rather hideous stuffed snake.

"You are a mother, you deserve a baby shower. We will throw you a baby shower."

Sarah laughed aloud at the declaration, she couldn't help it. "Nice thought, but it's a little late for that."

"Better late than never."

"I'm pretty sure you have to be pregnant if you want to have a baby shower."

"Pregnancy is not an impossibility. You are not that old."

"Thanks, I guess."

"I read an article about a woman giving birth to twins. She was 97. If you have difficulty finding a man, we can go to a sperm bank."

"We going to blow that one up, too?"

"No. Destroying a sperm repository would be pointless and inefficient. And messy."

"One bratty son and one cybernetic organism pretending to be my daughter is enough," Sarah stated. The baby pillow she was eyeing looked nothing like a pillow.

"You got it right." The metal girl seemed genuinely pleased by this. Perusing the shelves opposite Sarah, Cameron picked up and examined a nearby object. Nodding to herself, she turned, tapping Sarah on the shoulder. "Here," she said, holding out her find.

Sarah raised an eyebrow. It wasn't that Kaci wouldn't _need _a breast pump, the brunette had simply hoped to get her something a little more personal. Not that that seemed possible in this baby supply emporium. "We'll let someone else buy her that one."

"It's for you, not Kaci." Off Sarah's incredulous look, "You said you wanted gifts. If you will not accept a shower or another child…"

Strangely touched at being presented with a breast pump by her son's robot bodyguard, Sarah shook her head nonetheless. "Thanks, but no thanks."

Cameron let her hand drop. "You don't feel comfortable accepting gifts from me."

Oh hell. The metal actually seemed a little upset. What was worse, _Sarah _was upset at the idea of _making _the metal upset. God, she was obviously losing her mind. "Maybe some other time."

Putting the feeding tool back where she found it, Cameron brightened perceptibly. "Like on your birthday?" Cameron nodded an answer to her own question. "On your birthday. I will have John buy it for you so you won't feel uncomfortable."

Sure. John wouldn't be remotely uncomfortable presenting his not-pregnant mother with a breast pump. "Cameron-"

"We will have a party, with a cake." John didn't get a cake on his birthday, and Cameron somehow felt the need to make up for that. "Parties have themes. We will throw you a baby shower themed party."

Sure, because John and Derek would love that. "We'll talk about this in the car," Sarah declared, heading for the exit. This store wasn't cutting it, and she'd just come up with a better idea. They'd end up being fashionably late to Kaci's party, but late seemed preferable to _Barry Manilow: The Lullaby Edition_.

* * *

><p>"Be normal," Sarah ordered as they approached Kaci's house, gift in hand. "As normal as you can be at any given time."<p>

"Don't be a freak, I understand." As he pressed Kaci's doorbell, Cameron tilted her head in thought. "Will we have to play Baby Bingo?"

Closing her eyes, Sarah braced herself for an afternoon of misery. "I hope not, so probably yes."

"I dislike bingo. There's no strategy involved."

"Uh-huh." The only strategy Sarah was concerned with involved finding a way to get through this without pulling a gun on Cameron. Or herself.

**tbc…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Hey all. First off, I was pleasantly surprised by the number of people who found my attempts at humor humorous, so thank you kindly for that. I apologize for the wait. I would've had this up much sooner, but I got hit by an annoyingly persistent flu bug, and I've literally been sick all week. Therefore, if the writing sucks, blame it on the fever that hasn't quite gone away. Hope you enjoy, and please drop a little feedback on your way out.

* * *

><p>"I'm so glad you guys could make it," Kaci enthused, ushering Sarah and Cameron to a table in the backyard. "Really, I know you've got a lot going on-"<p>

"Wouldn't miss it," Sarah assured her neighbor. It was only half a lie. She liked Kaci, she really did. And she wanted to be there for Kaci. If that involved sitting through what promised to be an afternoon of pure hell, well, she'd made it through Pescadero, hadn't she?

"Can I get you guys a drink? There's some snack platters in the kitchen-"

"I don't get hungry," Cameron stated.

"Oh, don't tell me you're one of those ridiculously perfect girls on some lunatic diet," Kaci teased. She didn't notice the warning glare passing from Sarah to Cameron.

"I'm not one of those ridiculously perfect girls on some lunatic diet," replied Cameron. Since it was Kaci's party, and since Sarah had ordered her to behave, it seemed prudent to oblige Kaci's request.

"Good." After shooting Sarah a questioning glance and confirming that the brunette didn't need any refreshments, Kaci pulled up a chair next to Sarah and opposite Cameron. "I can't stand it when girls like you get this idea that they have to turn themselves into twigs."

"Why would I want to turn myself into a twig?"

Sarah fought off a strong urge for tequila. Lots and lots of very strong tequila. "I warned you about Cameron. All that dry humor."

"Are you kidding, I love it. Some people, no humor at all, right? It's like they're dead inside."

"Yes," Cameron agreed. "Some people."

"So," Sarah began, trying to maintain control of the conversation. "I was going to apologize for being late but…" Trailing off, she let her eyes roam meaningfully around the empty yard.

Sighing, Kaci ducked her head nervously. When she met Sarah's eyes, the blonde looked half-apologetic and half-pleading. "I know, I'm really sorry. You remember me telling you that I needed some backup to deal with Trevor's mom?" Sarah nodded. "Truth is, I need a lot more than that. You guys might have to hold me back if I try to strangle her."

"You're pregnant, you shouldn't overexert yourself. If you want to strangle Trevor's mother, I will-"

"Cameron," Sarah interrupted. "Not everyone appreciatesyour humor like we do at home."

"Kaci does. She said so, moments ago, do you not remember?" Cameron said in the store that Sarah wasn't that old. Perhaps she'd been wrong. Perhaps the mother of the future was suffering from early-onset Alzheimer's disease. Memory loss was often the first sign.

"I really do," Kaci agreed. "Especially after dealing with Brenda all afternoon. Trevor's mom," she explained. "She ran out to get last-minute party stuff for a party that I don't even want."

"You are about to become a mother," said Cameron, drawing from her earlier conversation with Sarah. "You deserve to have people come here with gifts and celebrate you and your child."

"Cameroon, that's really sweet." Grinning, Kaci switched her attention to Sarah. "Does she say nice things like that to you, too?"

"Not really."

"Not really."

Two responses, one from Sarah, one from Cameron. Two identical responses, perfectly in sync.

"I get it," Kaci nodded. "I was the same way with my mother. Miss Congeniality to the rest of the world, but when mom came in the room… Jeez, sorry, Cameron. Here we are, talking about you like you're not even here."

"I don't mind."

"Speaking of mothers…?"

"Right," Kaci groaned. "Brenda. I must sound so ungrateful. She's throwing this thing for me and all I can do is whine. But if you knew her…that's why I asked you to come early. I couldn't actually _ask, _because Trevor was there when I called, and I kept meaning to tell you, but we kept missing each other."

"It's been a hectic month," Sarah agreed. There'd been lots of yelling and shooting and chasing of leads that didn't pan out. Between pursuing the names on the list and attempting to chase Riley away without _actually _making Cameron chase her away…

"Anyway, Brenda's just…you know how I told you that Trevor's job freaked me out?"

Sarah nodded. Having a cop this close freaked _her _out as well.

"Well that's not the only thing that freaks me out. Being with Trevor means dealing with Brenda, and I honestly don't know if I can handle that. I couldn't even handle a whole day of her without calling in reinforcements."

"Stop underestimating yourself, How bad can this woman be?"

"Don't get me wrong, it's not like she's evil or anything. And she's _tried _to help out with the pregnancy. Hence the total and complete takeover of my baby shower. She insisted that I not lift a finger, so she'd be able to invite all of her friends, none of mine. I'm a chef for Goof's sake, and she wouldn't even let me help with the menu. By the way, I hope you guys like finger food."

"I like finger food. It is finger-licking good."

Sarah groaned inwardly, cursing John's liking of fast food. "Bit of a control freak?"

"You have no idea. You're way too cool for this, but you know those moms who just won't let go of their kids? Everything Trevor does, Brenda has to know about. She's had his whole life planned out for him since he was a baby. And it's not just the normal I've-got-hopes-and-dreams-for-my-kid thing. It's this whole master plan of where he's going to end up, and if Tev goes away from that even one little bit, Brenda acts like the world is going to end. Please tell me I don't sound crazy, that you know what I'm talking about?"

"I know what you're talking about," Sarah confirmed, trying not to fidget in her chair.

"She does," Cameron agreed. "She is an expert."

Sarah smiled pleasantly, wishing she had a screwdriver and pliers, wishing she could get at Cameron's chip. Actually, she wanted thermite, but she didn't want to set Kaci's yard on fire. "I take it you weren't in this big, master plan."

"God no. She thinks there's something wrong with me because I wasn't married with two kids by the age of 19, like she was. Plus the fact that I have a job, that I _like _my job, that I don't want to play housewife for the rest of my life. To hear her tell it, you'd think we were stuck in the 1950's."

"Brenda's thinking is flawed. The average American woman does not marry until the age of 27. Many women do not have their first child until after age 30. Also, we are not trapped in the 1950's. Though time-warps are not unheard of, it is highly unlikely-"

"Cameron took a class on statistics last year. She's also kind of a sci-fi geek."

"Really? I never would've guessed.

"Yes, I am a sci-fi geek. May the force be with you. Live long and prosper."

"Sounds like Brenda's big on family, you'd think she'd be happy about getting a grandchild."

"Oh, she's thrilled about that," Kaci confirmed, rubbing a hand over her stomach. "She just wishes it was someone else giving it to her. Everything I do is wrong in her eyes, and she's not shy about expressing herself. I've gotten more advice from her—unsolicited of course—than from any of those What to Expect books. She knows best on every issue, and God help anyone who says different. Her way or the highway, you know? Don't you just hate people like that?"

"Yes," said Cameron. "People like that are a real drag." Cameron looked at Sarah. Sarah looked at Kaci, clenching her hands under the table.

"I'm sure she's just trying to help," Sarah offered, pretending not to notice Cameron's scrutiny, "Mother knows best and all that."

"She thinks I got pregnant on purpose. Something wrong with me, couldn't land a guy on my own, so I had to trap her son."

"Brenda's thinking is flawed," Cameron stated, repeating her earlier sentiment. "If you are the one who is freaked out about getting married, why would you allow yourself to be impregnated in order to facilitate a marriage?"

"Cameron reads a lot," Sarah explained, noticing Kaci's raised eyebrows.

"Yes, I read a lot. I don't like the _Twilight _novels. They are poorly-written and lacking in original \ thought. Their mass popularity confuses me."

"Everybody's a critic," Sarah replied. "You were saying?" she prompted, locking eyes with Kaci.

"No, Cameron's right. I love this little guy already." Smiling, she caressed her belly again. "But I sure as hell didn't plan him. But try telling Brenda that. She seems to forget that this wasn't all me. It takes two to tango."

"Yes. It also takes two to engage in sexual intercourse. Perhaps Trevor's mother has forgotten this as well. She is getting older, perhaps her mental processes are starting to decay. Is she married?"

"Um…no. Trevor's dad was smart enough to run while he still could."

"Then perhaps Brenda has been sexually inactive for too long. Perhaps she has forgotten the mechanics involved in conception. If you like, I will remind her."

Before Kaci could say anything about the birds and the bees, or about riding a bike and never forgetting, a gray-haired woman opened the screen-door, joining them on the patio. The fake smile Sarah had plastered on through most of this torturous conversation grew wider as introductions were made. She wasn't the only one acting. Cameron was doing her version of cordiality which, of course, was more than slightly off. Kaci was doing an admirable job of pretending to like the woman next to her, but Sarah could see the strain on her face.

"So you're the _saintly _young woman who took Kaci to the hospital during that little episode," Brenda gushed. Her smile was disgustingly sweet. "Thank you _so _much."

"It was nothing, really. I was happy to help."

"I'm sure you were," Brenda replied. She'd taken a seat on the other side of Kaci and was patting the younger woman's hand in a decidedly patronizing manner. "Just as happy as _I _would've been. _If _Kaci here had bothered to call me."

The blonde sighed in a way that spoke of old arguments. "I'm sorry, Brenda. I got scared, and Sarah was so much closer-"

"But after you were brought in. You could've called me then. Or my son, for that matter."

"It was a stressful day," Sarah interjected. Her protective instincts were coming out, something that rarely happened outside of John's presence. "It was a stressful day and Trevor was busy. I'm sure Kaci-"

"Oh, I know Kaci wouldn't _deliberately _cut Trevor or I out of the baby's life-"

"Me or Trevor."

The sickeningly bright smile dimmed as Brenda met Cameron's gaze. "I'm sorry."

"Me or Trevor, not 'Trevor or I.' Your sentence was grammatically incorrect."

"My, aren't you the little English major."

"No, I'm not. I'm not in college yet. I look forward to the hazing and the frat parties. Do you think someone will slip me the date rape drug?"

"Cameron!" Sarah barked. Counting to five in her head, Sarah gave Brenda the same story she'd given Kaci weeks ago, when the blonde first mentioned this shower. "I'm sorry. Cameron has a social disorder. She gets nervous around new people, blurts things out."

"Yes, I blurt things out. I have a social disorder. I also have a mild case of Tourette's syndrome."

Brenda frowned. "I saw something on the health channel about that. There was a young man who used obscenities and barked like a dog."

"I don't bark. I don't like dogs. Sarah says that I am a cat person."

Brenda's eyes narrowed considerably. "I never trusted people who didn't like dogs. Always felt they had something to hide. Dogs are smart. Dogs sense when you have something to hide."

"Brenda, please," Kaci interjected. "Sorry. Trevor gets his suspicious cop, interrogation thing from his mother."

Cameron nodded. "Is Trevor a mama's boy?"

"Cameron," Sarah reprimanded, tone sharp. "Sorry," she continued, directing the remark at Brenda.

"It's quite all right. I suppose Trevor i_s _rather attached to me, but there's nothing wrong with that, right?"

"Right," Cameron agreed. "My brother used to be a mama's boy, before he and Sarah started fighting."

Brenda frowned, her brow knitting in confusion. "That's the second time you've called your mother Sarah."

Cameron frowned, face contorting into her own version of confusion. "Sarah is my mother's name."

"It's a phase," Sarah stated quickly. "You know, kids and their rebellious streaks."

"My Trevor never had a rebellious streak," Brenda retorted. There was more than a hint of judgment in her tone.

"Because Trevor is a mama's boy?" Cameron asked.

"Cameron!" Sarah assessed the situation. No problems where Kaci was concerned, except that the younger woman was having serious problems containing her laughter. Brenda wore an expression not completely dissimilar to that of certain terminators Sarah had come in contact with over the years. "Sorry. It's a phase," Sarah repeated. "Minor rebellion."

"Really. And what caused this minor rebellion?"

"Do teenagers need reasons to make our lives difficult?"

"Sarah is correct. I am a rebel. Without a cause."

Sarah cursed to herself. Clearly, the metal had been watching too many movies.

"Well, as long as you don't associate with those gang-jumper girls I hear about on the news."

"Banger," Kaci corrected. "Gang-_banger_."

Brenda's eyes flew to the blonde. "How would you know, dear? Are you one of them?"

Kaci ducked her eyes. "No, Brenda."

"Well then, have you _met_ any of these gang-jumpers?"

"No, Brenda."

"Well then. How would you know?"

Sarah worked hard to keep her voice from sounding like a growl. "Maybe she saw the same news report you did. Or maybe Trevor told her."

"My son is not a gang-jumper."

"No," said Cameron. "Your son is a police officer. I like police officers, I find them useful." She refrained from telling Brenda about the time she stole a policemen's uniform, or about what she'd done to get it. This seemed like it would be too much information. Telling Brenda that she, Cameron, had met several gangbangers, and that they wouldn't appreciate being confused with jumpers, also seemed like too much information.

"Well, it's good to see some young people with a respect for the law," Brenda enthused. She seemed to have forgotten the earlier comments on Cameron's rebellious nature. "Kids today with their rap music and their pants down to their ankles, asses hanging out."

"Brenda!"

"What, Kaci? We're all adults here."

"Actually we aren't," said Sarah, nodding towards Cameron.

"Oh. Well I'm sure she's heard worse at school, on the cable television."

"Your view of teenagers is too broad," Cameron observed. "My brother is a teenager. He hates rap and Sarah makes sure he always has his ass covered."

"Cameron."

"You do," insisted the cyborg. "Every day, you instruct me to cover John's ass at all costs."

Surreptitiously fingering the Glock hidden beneath her shirt, Sarah entertained herself with thoughts of using it. "She has those disorders."

"I see," said Brenda. "Have you tried medication?"

"Have tried, in the process of trying. Doctor's still looking for the right combination."

"Yes," said Cameron. "I am a druggie."

Sarah fought an urge to slam her head against the table. "You're not a druggie."

"The pills I take qualify as drugs. Doesn't that qualify me as a druggie?"

"She's not a druggie," Sarah repeated. Getting to her feet, she took Cameron's arm in what she hoped was a helpful, maternal way. She entertained herself with thoughts of ripping the arm off. "But, I do think you might've forgotten your meds today."

"Yes, I forgot," Cameron agreed, standing up as well. Since Sarah was the one showing signs of premature Alzheimer's, Cameron found it somewhat unfair that _she _was being accused of forgetfulness.

"I think your refill is still in my purse," Sarah continued. "Let's go to the kitchen and-"

"I'll go with you," Kaci asserted. It was obvious that she didn't want to be left alone with Brenda.

"Don't get up, I'm just going to grab Cameron a glass of water. Anyone else need anything?"

At this point, Brenda was also rising to leave. "I need to check on a few things before the guests arrive. Honestly Kaci. Letting Sarah here play waitress. What kind of hostess are you?"

Sarah released Cameron's arm and crossed her own over her chest. "I thought Kaci didn't _need _to play hostess? Aren't you in charge of that?"

"Sarah doesn't mind playing waitress," Cameron added. "Sarah used to be a waitress. She was named Employee of the Month once."

Sarah blinked. What kind of information did Cameron's databases contain? Shaking that thought off, Sarah ignored Brenda's jab about how waitressing was a noble profession, but she, Brenda, never had to work outside the home. While Brenda bustled around in the living room, Sarah grabbed her purse for appearance's sake, dragging Cameron into the bathroom and shutting the door behind them. Tossing her purse on the counter, Sarah turned to glare at her cyborg companion. "What the hell was that?"

Cameron tilted her head. "Please be more specific."

"What were you _doing _out there?"

"Being neighborly."

"Neighborly. Are you _intentionally _making an ass of yourself?"

"Why would I want to make myself into a donkey?"

"Why do you keep agreeing with everything I say?"

"You told me it was important for us to be sociable. When I disagree with you, you typically get angry and storm off. Storming off is not sociable."

"Stop agreeing with me all the time, you sound like a damn Stepford child."

"Who is Stepford? Stepford is not one of our backup aliases."

"Never mind. I didn't tell you to say the Tourette's thing."

"I ad-libbed."

"You what?"

"Ad-libbed. Improvised. I learned it in acting class."

"When have you ever taken an acting class."

"For one day, several months ago, before we left school. Mr. Sanchez kicked me out. He said I didn't show enough emotion in my performances."

Sarah rolled her eyes, preparing not to choke on her next words. "It was good."

"What was?"

"The ad-lib thing, the Tourette's. Easier to explain why you're talking like a lunatic."

"Oh. Thank you. Brenda thinks I am retarded."

"She what?"

I can hear her in the living room, on the phone with one of the guests." Cameron paused, listening. "Margaret. Brenda is telling Margaret that I am retarded."

Sarah shook her head, irrationally pissed off. "Brenda's a bitch. Bet my last dollar that Margaret is, too."

"The majority of our funds are scattered throughout-"

"It's an expression."

"Oh. Thank you for explaining."

"Why don't we just save the breath and have that phrase tattooed on your forehead?"

"Because it would draw too much attention. I would look like a freak."

"The way you're acting, you look like one already." In a somewhat calmer voice, "But you're not retarded."

"I know. I lack a human brain, so therefore-"

"Skip it."

"Brenda is a bigot, as well as a bitch."

"Noticed that, did you?"

"Yes. She is a bigot." Cameron paused, delaying her next words long enough to make Sarah vaguely nervous. "If you wanted to engage in lesbian activities, I would understand."

Sarah blinked. She blinked again. Her mouth fell open. "Are you _hitting _on me?"

"Why would I want to do that?"

Sarah honestly didn't know whether she was relieved or insulted. "Explain yourself before I find a pair of nail clippers and use them to pry your chip out."

Cameron chose not to point out how difficult it would be to access her chip in that manner. "In the car, we established that your Driver's Ed teacher was a female."

"And that I didn't screw my way through her class. Yeah, I remember."

Perhaps the memory loss wasn't as bad as Cameron had feared. "But if you had screwed your way through her class, I would understand."

Sarah backed off a few paces, gripping the edge of the counter to keep from gripping her gun.

"Sexual experimentation is a healthy part of life. College students typically engage in some form of sexual experimentation. You were unable to finish college. If you were unable to finish experimenting and wished to continue, I would understand. I'm not a bigot like Brenda."

Sarah nodded slowly. For roughly the billionth time since the age of nineteen, she wondered what had happened to her life. "Good to know I have your blessing if I ever want to play for the other team."

Cameron frowned. "Other team? Are you referring to Skynet?"

"I'm referring to lesbianism! _Why_ am I referring to lesbianism? Why is it that every time I speak to you for more than thirty seconds, I turn suicidal?"

"Because you are not a murderer, and you'd find it difficult to turn homicidal."

"Not as difficult as you'd think."

"Lisa Krempshaw from two blocks over is a lesbian." Off Sarah's incredulous expression, "I don't sleep. I monitor the area for threats."

"And lesbians," Sarah muttered.

"And lesbians. Lisa Krempshaw is a lesbian. If you wanted to experiment with her-"

"Is there a reason you've suddenly turned into a lesbian hookup service? Are you sure you're not hitting on me?"

"I'm sure. I am not attracted to you in any way whatsoever."

"Good. I guess." Sarah paused, a nagging worry entering her mind. "And John?"

"If John is attracted to you, I am unaware of it."

Turning, Sarah actually began digging through Kaci's drawers, looking for something to pull Cameron's chip with. She stopped herself after a second, but the effort was huge. Facing Cameron again, Sarah crossed her arms and glared. "Are you attracted to John?"

"I am incapable of feeling attraction, therefore I am not attracted to John. Please don't tell him this. The male ego is very fragile."

"But John's still attracted to you," Sarah mused, more to herself than to Cameron. His behavior with the cyborg still bothered her, though not as much as it had previously. Between Riley and Cameron...at least Cameron came in handy on occasion. When she wasn't driving Sarah to the brink of insanity.

"You are concerned about John's responses to me, particularly in regards to sex. You don't need to be concerned."

"Don't I?"

"No. Don't worry, I will not pop John's cherry."

Sarah's mouth dropped again. Her mind couldn't decide whether it wanted to explode or simply go blank. Maybe this was what terminators felt like when they had bugs in their systems.

"John has not gotten into Riley's pants, despite Riley throwing herself at him like a bitch whore. John's cherry remains intact. Future-John was very clear on the fact that I was not allowed to touch current-John's cherry."

"Uh-huh." Relieved or horrified? Relieved…or horrified?

"No matter how much current-John may beg and plead, future-John told me-"

"Cameron…I can't hear this." Sarah's mind had finally decided that total and complete shutdown was the safest option. Presented with the image of a middle-aged, war-hardened John explaining to Cameron the double-meaning of the word 'cherry'…shutdown was simply the safest way to go.

"I thought you'd be pleased. I promise not to touch John's-"

"Cameron! I can't hear this. Do you understand that I _can't _hear this?"

"Do you require medical assistance?" If Sarah's hearing was deteriorating as well as her memory-

"Shut up. Just shut up and go out there and be sociable."

"If I shut up, I cannot be sociable."

"Shut up and get out there. And stop calling me Sarah." Grabbing her discarded purse, Sarah unlocked the bathroom and stepped into Kaci's hallway, just in time to meet the woman herself. "Problem?" Sarah asked. Her neighbor looked caught between being frazzled and being infuriated.

"Nothing," Kaci grumbled. Her tone softened when she saw Cameron come out behind Sarah. "You feeling better, Cameron?"

"Yes. Mommy gave me my pills and now I feel a lot better."

Sarah cringed. She'd told Cameron not to call her by her first name, but apparently she hadn't explained well enough. "Jokes again. Seriously, what's the matter?"

Rolling her eyes, Kaci glanced back toward the living room, where Brenda still made last-minute arrangements. Keeping her voice low, the blonde replied, "Brenda's shrew sisters will be here any minute, and I have to change clothes."

"Why do you have to change clothes?"

"Because it seems that this dress makes me look fat. I told Brenda that _every _dress makes me look fat, and you know what she said?"

"Do I want to?"

"She said that that was true, but it was no reason to give up on myself completely. I swear, it's a good thing Trevor took his gun with him, because otherwise-"

"If you want to shoot Brenda," Cameron began, reaching towards her waist.

Sarah stilled Cameron's hand in midair, keeping her from drawing her weapon. "-then we'll happily tell the jury it was self-defense."

"Thanks. Hey, I know it's a long shot, but I don't suppose you convinced John or Derek to stop by later?"

"John and Derek are…busy."

"I get it," Kaci chuckled. "Trevor said he'd rather be involved in a shootout or a hostage situation than have to come to this thing. Ironically, I said the same thing. Anyway, making it co-ed was the only thing _I _could do, the only thing Brenda gave me control of. Of course she knew no guys would show. My friend Rodney was supposed be here, but then some weird emergency happened and…anyway. Would've been nice to have one guy around, just to spite her."

"Kaci wishes to kill Brenda," Cameron stated, after the woman in question had retreated to her bedroom.

"She's exaggerating," Sarah retorted. She and Cameron hung back, avoiding the living room—and its sole occupant—for as long as possible.

"Yes, she is exaggerating. But not completely."

"Not completely," Sarah agreed. "Go out there and be helpful. I have to make a phone call."

Sarah was annoyed, but not surprised by the results of her attempt to help Kaci. And to spread the misery around.

"You have an emergency. At the baby shower."

"Would you just make yourself useful for once and get over here?"

"Sarah, unless and until I see a T-888 bust in next door, you're on your own." That said, Derek hung up on her.

John's refusal was briefer still. "Derek already warned me, and the answer is no." Her son hung up on her. Ungrateful brat. She'd die for him in an instant, but sometimes he really was just an ungrateful brat.

When Sarah rejoined the group, Kaci was sitting on the couch and Cameron was helping Brenda fold napkins.

"What kind of name _is _Cameron anyway?"

"It's Scottish," Cameron replied, glancing at Sarah as the brunette pulled up a stool by the counter, across from the other two.

"Lovely name, really. Of course, I always liked knowing whether the baby in question was male or female. All these unisex names. Whatever happened to nice, traditional feminine names? Agatha, Ruth, Gladys. You look like a Gladys, dear. You should think about revising your name."

Shortly after making this pronouncement, Brenda disappeared long enough for Cameron to speak to Sarah freely. Kaci was on her cell phone, telling Trevor how much he would owe her after this was over.

"I don't look like a Gladys."

"I know."

"Then you won't make me change my name to Gladys?"

Sarah shook her head, keeping her voice low. "Why go through the hassle of changing the fake ID's?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

A pause. "If Kaci asks again, can I kill Brenda?"

"No."

Seconds later, Kaci's door flew open, and they were joined by a slew of Brenda's closest friends. Kaci quickly ended her call and pasted on s happy face. Brenda returned, apologizing for Kaci's unfortunate decorating choices. "I know the environment's not ideal, but I did what I could." Brenda's friends talked over each other, praising her for her heroic effort. Introductions were next.

"And this is Kaci's friend Sarah. Sarah used to be a waitress."

"I was named Employee of the Month once."

"And Sarah's daughter Cameron. Cameron's a very…_special _young lady."

Sarah was only slightly surprised that the word 'retarded' wasn't used flat-out. While Kaci stared at the ceiling, seeming to pray for patience, Brenda and her friends began setting up for Baby Bingo, all the while commenting about how none of them had gained that much weight during _their _pregnancies.

Over the din of truly pointless conversation, Cameron walked around the counter to stand next to Sarah, not bothering to whisper. "Are you certain I can't kill Brenda later, if Kaci asks again? Brenda causes Kaci stress, and Kaci should not be stressed."

"No, you can't kill Brenda."

"What if I avoid witnesses, make it look accidental?"

"We'll see," Sarah replied.

**Tbc…**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **So, this was supposed to be the last chapter. But it's not going to be. In the first place, this absurd bit of prose keeps getting longer and longer, regardless of my containment efforts. In the second place, I really don't feel like editing the amount of pages I'd need to edit if I didn't split this up. In the third place, I'm a shameless feedback freak who's addicted to quick gratification, and I really felt like posting tonight. Speaking of feedback, I can't thank you guys enough for all your kind words. I've had a blast writing this, and several of you seem to enjoy reading it, and what more can a writer ask for? Anyway, hope you enjoy the continued ridiculousness, next chapter really will be the last one, and please leave some feedback on your way out.

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><p>Sarah had gone into this expecting misery, torture. She wasn't a fan of either, having experienced too much of both in too short a time. Be that as it may, she'd prepared herself to grin and bear it, to be there for Kaci, to pretend that she <em>wasn't <em>miserable.

Sarah hadn't expected that Kaci would loathe this gathering just as much as she did. She hadn't anticipated the need to shield her neighbor from Brenda and her friends, and their sugar-coated insults. And though she hated the fact that Kaci had to put up with this, it was something of a comfort, knowing that she, too, wished to be anywhere but here. It was also surprisingly comforting to fall into the role of protector. A nice change of pace, actually. Instead of defending her son against homicidal machines, she was defending Kaci from a pack of bitchy geriatrics. Said bitchy geriatrics happened to be making _her_ homicidal, but Sarah was used to feeling that way. Besides, if worse came to worse, she had no doubt that Cameron would do a great job hiding the bodies.

The physical positions of everyone in the room were a perfect representation of the dynamics at play. Sarah and Cameron sat at opposite ends of the couch, flanking Kaci on either side. Sarah would've preferred a spot next to Cameron, the better to watch her and make sure the cyborg didn't make another attempt at shooting Brenda. However, Kaci seemed more comfortable having support on both sides, so Sarah didn't argue. That, and she was starting to care less and less about Brenda's physical safety.

Brenda's friends surrounded them on all sides. The remaining loveseat, the kitchen chairs, the stools by the counter, Brenda's cronies took up every available space. Sarah felt outnumbered and mildly claustrophobic. Not entirely unlike how she'd felt ten years ago, when they'd busted into Cyberdyne. All those SWAT guys, all those guns, all that tear gas. Sarah could freely admit that it'd felt good to have that othermachine at her back. The one that'd been John's uncle Bob before John's uncle Derek had even exited in her mind. History with them aside, Sarah could admit, within her own head, that terminators were good things to have on your side. That other machine had done everything possible to look out for John. Right now, Cameron seemed to be doing everything possible to look out for Kaci. Short of murder, anyway, and the slightest nod from Sarah would change that, too.

As she progressed through a game of Baby Bingo, it suddenly occurred to Sarah that she was comparing a neighbor's baby shower to the war against a lethal AI. At nineteen, this might've bothered her. Even at twenty-four, she might've taken a step back and spared a moment or two to contemplate her life situation. At thirty-four though… At thirty-four, she was cohabitating with a metal Barbie doll who, half an hour earlier, had proclaimed her understanding and acceptance, should Sarah ever choose to turn gay. At thirty-four, Sarah had learned that dwelling on her life's circumstances, even for a moment, was hazardous to her already shaky mental health.

"Okay, how about number six?"

At Kaci's request, Cameron solicitously snatched up the present labeled with a six, transferring it from the coffee table into the hands of its recipient. Since Cameron had already expressed her dislike for bingo, Sarah had volunteered her for gift-passing duty. Actually, this had less to do with keeping Cameron entertained than it did with keeping her busy and, hopefully, silent. Predictably, the cyborg was taking her duties quite seriously. Kaci would pick a number, Cameron would hand her the gift in question, and everyone else would scan their bingo cards, looking for a match. This arrangement would've been fine, if not for the power struggle currently taking place.

Margaret, the same Margaret who thought Cameron was retarded, seemed to think that the girl wasn't competent enough to move items from table to couch. Every so often, Margaret would try beating Cameron to the punch. She failed, of course, but the fact that her job was being threatened seemed to irritate the cyborg. Sarah did her best to keep Cameron from ripping the woman's hand off. At least for the first five minutes. After that, her interest faltered. Sarah was reasonably sure that Cameron wouldn't crush Margaret's wrist, and if she happened to be wrong about that…well, Margaret was the one playing with fire here.

As Kaci feigned interest in the _Baby Loves Jazz _album that Sarah herself had rejected as a gift option, the brunette suddenly realized something. She was actually angry at Margaret for insulting the cyborg. First thing this morning, Sarah had threatened to dismantle the metal piece by piece and donate her parts to Apple's junkyard. It was an empty threat, for all the obvious reasons, but still. Yet somehow, it bothered her that a near-stranger would make a totally unfounded accusation against the machine. Sarah shook her head, absently marking another space on her bingo card. Again, best not to dwell on things she couldn't understand.

Rosie the jazz aficionado was still gushing over the genius of her chosen offering. As if a CD for toddlers would guarantee the next Louie Armstrong. Meanwhile, Kaci had moved on to a new item. Her enthusiasm was underwhelming, but as usual, Sarah and Cameron were either the only ones to notice, or the only ones to care.

"I got it off the shopping channel," explained Janet. "All these tapes and computer disks, they're guaranteed to teach your child to read within two months."

Sarah sipped her beverage, using the glass to hide her expression.

"That's really great," Kaci replied, in a tone that didn't match her words. "Really. I just…two months? Isn't that a little fast for a kid to learn to read?"

"Hardly," said Brenda, even though the comment wasn't directed at her. "Trevor was always an incredibly fast learner. Let's just hope the baby gets his brains from our side of the family, hmm?"

Sarah set her drink on a nearby coaster. It would be easier not to throw the glass at Brenda's forehead if she wasn't holding it. Sarah couldn't decide what bothered her more, the endless barbs, or the syrupy-sweet tone they were delivered in. More than once, she'd seen Kaci open her mouth in response, only to clamp it shut again. Kaci wasn't afraid of Trevor's mother, Sarah knew that. She was afraid of _alienating _Trevor's mother, and worsening an already tenuous family situation. This knowledge of Kaci's motivations was the only thing keeping Sarah from saying some very unpleasant things to her hostess. Unfortunately (or otherwise, depending on perspective), the delicacies of human communication continued to elude Cameron.

"Your gift is useless. Even the most intelligent infants are unable to read at such a young age."

"Cameron took a class in child development."

"Yes, I love children. Janet's gift is still useless, at least for the immediate future."

Janet seemed trapped between being crushed and being livid. "But the shopping channel said-"

"The shopping channel lied. You have been scammed."

"That's absurd. I don't fall for things like that."

"It would seem that you do. You have been swindled. Tricked. Duped. Hoodwinked."

"So, how about we move on to the next present," Sarah suggested.

Kaci readily agreed, after pointing out that Sarah needed to fill another space on her bingo card. She called out another number, and Cameron grabbed the appropriately labeled present before Margaret had time to sit forward in her chair.

"This is from us," Cameron stated, handing over the package. There was a hint of eagerness in her voice that Sarah rarely heard. If the topic wasn't killing birds…and now killing Brenda…the cyborg usually stuck to a monotone. Or maybe Sarah just hadn't taken the time to notice subtle differences in speech. Either way, she found herself fighting off a strange bout of nerves.

"It's not much," she warned, thinking about the argument that hadn't ceased until they were thirty seconds shy of Kaci's home. After the earlier talk about the un-coolness of re-gifting, Sarah had had a tough time justifying her choice of present to Cameron.

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm sure I'll love it. If I can bring myself to open it. It's so perfectly wrapped, I almost don't want to ruin it."

"I wrapped it," said Cameron. "But you are allowed to ruin it, I won't be mad."

Brenda smiled disgustingly, letting her eyes travel around the room. "Did you hear that, ladies? Cameron won't be mad. Isn't that nice of her."

Sarah sat forward on the couch, ostensibly to watch Kaci's reaction to her gift. She used the move as an excuse to lock eyes with Cameron, silently mouthing the word 'no.'

Cameron put her hand back across her lap. Before Sarah's warning, it'd started drifting towards her waist again. While Kaci carefully tore away wrapping paper, Cameron held Sarah's gaze, surreptitiously mouthing the word 'please.'

Sarah half-listened as Brenda told Kaci not to be disappointed if this gift didn't measure up to the others. After all, waitresses were on a very tight budget. 'Maybe later,' she mouthed. Apparently satisfied for the moment, Cameron turned her attention to Kaci, and Sarah did the same.

"I know you won't get much use out of it right away," Sarah began, glancing at Janet as she spoke, "but I hope it'll serve you well later on."

"Oh, this is great," said Kaci, grinning at her copy of _The Wizard of Oz_. "I think I remember reading this as a kid. Book was way better than the movie."

"They usually are," remarked Cameron.

"I don't know, I just thought…I've had some luck with it in the past." Sarah didn't mention reading the book to Marty Bedell, the boy they'd kidnapped not too long ago. Luckily, Cameron didn't mention this either. "John made me read it every night for months."

Kaci smiled, more pleased with the book than any of the previous gifts. "You didn't get sick of reading the same thing over and over?"

Sarah shrugged. "There are worse books he could've liked. Besides, it gets to a point where he knows the words as well as you do. That's when you get thankful, because he can entertain himself and you can doze a little without being noticed."

Kaci laughed and Sarah laughed with her. She hadn't realized until just now how much she'd wanted the younger woman to like her gift. It was a nice moment. Simple, rare, and oddly fulfilling. Until Cameron opened her mouth.

"Yes, it was John's favorite. Sarah read it to him in Spanish."

Brenda's eyes zoomed over to the brunette. She still wore that sugar coma-inducing smile. "You speak Spanish? Is it a Mexican restaurant then?"

"Sorry?"

"The restaurant where you work, or used to work. I assume you learned it there."

"Do you," Sarah replied. She was roughly three milliseconds away from snapping her fingers and watching Cameron go to work.

"Well, where else would someone like you become fluent in Spanish?"

Kaci's self-control seemed to be weakening as well. "What does that mean, Brenda?"

"Hey," Sarah murmured, briefly touching the blonde's arm. "Relax, its fine."

"It's _not _fine. She's been going after you and Cameron all afternoon just because-"

Because they weren't part of the Bash Kaci Brigade. Sarah knew this already. "Kaci. It's fine."

"Yes, it's fine," Cameron agreed. "Fighting is unnecessary."

"We're not fighting," Sarah argued.

"You're about to," Cameron retorted. "You are about to throw down, and you shouldn't. Give peace a chance." The cyborg illustrated this point by holding up her hand and forming the peace sign.

Sarah took a breath. Verbal sparring with that asshole Silberman, trying to convince him she wasn't nuts…Silberman and his inkblots and his never-ending supply of needles almost seemed preferable to this. "She's going through a hippy phase."

"I see," said Brenda. "Along with the rebellious phase."

"I am going through many phases," Cameron declared. "I am extremely complex."

Sarah shrugged and smiled and tried not to grind her teeth. "Like I said, hippy phase. She's very into John Lennon right now, the whole peace and love thing."

"Yes, John Lennon, peace and love. John Lennon's killer is a bad man; he should be executed for his bad behavior."

Brenda addressed Sarah. "Those pills you gave her, have they kicked in yet?"

"Apparently not."

"Sarah was in the Peace Corps." Cameron had reverted back to Sarah's first name, despite a previous admonition by the brunette. Calling her 'Mommy' seemed to garner negative results. "In Central America. She learned Spanish in Central America, not in a Mexican restaurant."

Kaci regarded Sarah with interest. "That's right, you told me about Central America. How did I not ask what you were doing there?"

"Don't worry, Kaci. I'm sure Sarah's used to your…absent-mindedness by now."

Sarah looked at Brenda. The fake smile she'd perfected on Silberman years ago was starting to slip. "Excuse me?"

"No need to pretend. I'm sure we can agree that Kaci can be a little…scatter-brained at times."

"You know, I'm not so sure about that. In fact, I'm not so sure I can agree with anything that's come out of your mouth."

"Sarah…" Kaci sounded more than a little nervous.

"I agree with Sarah," Cameron declared. "I also disagree with every word I've ever heard you say." Shifting focus, Cameron cut her eyes over to Janet. "Our gift is superior to yours."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm sorry too. You must feel bad that our present is tight, while yours is lacking."

Fuck. It wasn't bad enough that Sarah was losing control of herself, she was also losing control of Cameron. "She's got a competitive streak."

"I also have social disorders. And Tourettes."

"They know, Cameron."

"The Tourettes is only mild."

"They _know_, Cameron."

"So," said Brenda. "You learned Spanish in the Peace Corps?"

Sarah shrugged, picking up her ice tea and wishing fervently for something stronger.

"You don't seem like the type."

Shrugging again, Sarah sipped before putting down her drink. Despite their glaring dislike of each other, Brenda and Kaci seemed to have decided that all-out war in the midst of a baby shower was not a good plan. Too bad. Her imaginary Peace Corps stint notwithstanding, Sarah might've preferred war to the current situation. War would be more simple, more straightforward. Cameron would be quite useful in a war scenario. "It was years ago. My own hippy phase."

"Ah, so she gets it from you then."

"Yes," said Cameron, in answer to Brenda's question. "I get lots of things from Sarah."

"Including your charming disposition?" asked Janet.

"No," Sarah refuted. "She gets that from her father's side."

"Sarah taught me Spanish."

"Really?" Janet asked. She was feigning disinterest in an attempt to hide anger.

"Si." Cameron uttered a quick series of words in perfect Spanish. Instead of Janet, the phrase was directed at Brenda.

Sarah might've choked on her beverage, had it been anywhere near her windpipe. Her Spanish wasn't what it used to be, but she got the gist. When you lived among criminals, the word 'fuck' was something of a fixture. 'You' and 'yourself' were simple enough to remember, as was 'go.' Sarah couldn't help a grudging respect for the metal. Cameron had managed to articulate what Sarah had _wanted _to articulate, without actually _articulating _it. At least not in a way that Brenda and her shrew sisters could understand.

Trevor's mother seemed genuinely impressed with Cameron for the first time, never mind the retardation. "What did she say?"

Sarah answered immediately, cutting off whatever Cameron might've responded with. "She said, 'You have a lovely country.'"

"Oh, how nice. If I'm ever south of the border, I'll get real use out of that one."

"Definitely."

* * *

><p>Shortly after Brenda's impromptu Spanish tutorial, Sarah had a small epiphany. She realized why, after all this time, they'd remained unable to stop Skynet. Luck was simply never on their side. For all the planning and the time-hopping and the blowing up of buildings, they never had that element of good fortune that might just tip the scales. The fact that fate continually found ways to kick her in the head was not the epiphany, Sarah had figured that part out years ago. The epiphany was related to the <em>reason <em>that Sarah never, ever, had luck on her side when it came to Skynet. All her luck had apparently been stockpiled and saved specifically for this day. She hadn't been lucky enough to find a way of taking down the killer computer system, but she was damn near blessed when it came to baby shower games.

It started right after Kaci opened her copy of _The Wizard of Oz_, when Sarah took the prize at Baby Bingo. She became the proud owner of a Starbucks gift card, a card she considered giving to John. She preferred coffee that was actually coffee, not some bizarre concoction of whipped cream and chocolate sauces, with a name that couldn't be spelled or pronounced. Sarah thought about giving the card to her son, rejecting the idea after roughly five seconds. John had ignored her SOS earlier, refusing to get himself over here. He'd also been behaving in ways that didn't warrant a free frappa-machio-whatever the hell they sold at those not-coffee places. Besides, he'd probably end up using the card on Riley, and Sarah didn't think that handing out free beverages was the best way to get the girl out of their lives.

After bingo, Sarah unintentionally won a game involving baby items in paper bags that required participants to guess what item was in what bag. She came away from that with a small set of scented candles. Because having a bedroom that smelled of eucalyptus leaves was quite high up on her priority list.

Following the candles, Sarah deliberately guessed wrong in a baby-fied version of The Price is Right. Her attempt at failure netted her a fake baby bottle filled with assorted candies. Brenda and her harpy companions were glaring quite profusely by then. Kaci seemed to be enjoying herself for the first time all afternoon.

Meanwhile, Cameron regarded Sarah quizzically. After the bingo victory, Kaci had taken a bathroom break, and Sarah had taken the opportunity to give some instructions. Brenda and the gang were too busy speculating on Kaci's natural hair color to notice what the other two were whispering about.

"You can't win every game."

"Yes I can."

"No, you _can't_ It won't look right if you're some baby shower champion."

"It could look right. I am a teenage girl. I could be acquainted with other teenage girls. Those girls could be skanky bitches who don't know how to keep their legs closed. I could be required to attend many, many baby showers, making me highly skilled at baby shower games."

"How about you just lose. And stop watching MTV."

Sarah's words were framed as a question, but they really amounted to a demand. Sarah often phrased demands as questions, especially when she was addressing Cameron. The cyborg was somewhat confused by what was happening here. Why did Sarah seem more and more agitated each time she was presented with a prize? Was Sarah a sore winner? It seemed like a possibility. Sarah sometimes seemed like a sore everything-else, so Cameron wouldn't have been surprised if the brunette had problems with winning.

The situation changed during a game in which everyone cut a string to wrap around Kaci's stomach. Whoever came closest to having the correct length would be declared winner. Brenda and her friends were cutting exorbitant amounts of string, seeming to take pleasure in the look of discomfort on Kaci's face. It reminded Cameron of the nature channel, of how certain animals moved in packs and tortured their prey for the sport of it.

Before the string and scissors could reach them, Sarah pulled Cameron aside, citing a need to dole out more medications for the girl's various psychiatric disorders. Retreating to the bathroom for the second time that day, Sarah closed the door and turned to the cyborg.

"I assume that your sensors or whatever can tell you exactly how much string to cut?"

"Yes. I have already calculated the exact girth of Kaci's midsection. And yours. You should reduce your calorie input."

"You should reduce your word output. If you think that I won't yank your chip in front of those morons out there, you're wrong." True, the move would be rash and compromising. However, the sight of Cameron with her skull cut open and her chip removed might be scary enough to bring on a kind of group heart attack. The Margaret woman had casually mentioned receiving a new pacemaker.

"Understood. I will shut up now."

"Good. When you guess, guess right."

"I won't be guessing."

"Just cut the right amount."

"Are you giving me permission to win?"

"Yes."

"What about the next game?"

Sarah cringed, not wanting to think about how many games were left. "If you can win it, win it."

"What about the game after that?"

"Consider this a standing order: stop taking dives. We're going to bring Brenda and her friends down a few pegs."

"If you wish to bring them down somewhere, I can throw each of them off the roof."

Briefly, Sarah allowed herself to fantasize. Cameron's suggestion did have its merits. "Let's just stick with my idea."

"Understood. We are going to kick ass and take names."

Sarah rolled her eyes. "You're not allowed to watch television anymore."

"I don't sleep."

"Then go to a library or something._ I _don't sleep with the TV blaring all night or you pacing around outside my room."

"Would you prefer me to pace around outside John's room?"

Sarah turned on her heel and left. Despite her weaknesses in the area of non-verbal communication, Cameron knew enough to decipher the answer she'd been given.

* * *

><p>Cameron cut the correct amount of string, earning her own baby bottle full of candy. And then she guessed the exact amount of safety pins in a giant jar of safety pins. Then there was a game that required players to write down as many baby related items as possible within five minutes. The cyborg's databases made this an easy task. Despite her order to stop taking dives, Sarah motioned for Cameron to quit writing after the third minute. Cameron still beat her closest competitor by twenty items. Brenda grudgingly handed over a small package of scented body oils.<p>

Next came a game that involved filling in the blank parts of nursery rhymes. Cameron had fully expected to win that one as well, but Sarah took the prize. She could feel Cameron's puzzled gaze upon her, but chose not to acknowledge it. She couldn't very well explain that she'd had a lot of free time in Pescadero, that she'd read anything and everything she could smuggle past the orderlies.

The next game should've been simple enough. Everyone was given a piece of paper and asked to write down two things. The first was a name suggestion for the baby. According to Brenda, "Trevor Jr. has such a nice ring to it, but backups are always good." Along with the name, each of them were to write a piece of parenting advice for Kaci. Again, Brenda's words, "Because God knows that Kaci here can use all the advice she can get."

Sarah came very close to pointing Cameron in Brenda's direction. Unfortunately, she was here to keep peace between the two, and to keep Kaci from assaulting her baby's grandmother. Granted, Sarah hadn't said anything about not hurting Brenda herself…

Shaking her head, Sarah tried focusing on the task at hand. A name. A name for a boy. Wouldn't be that hard if Sarah had ever once needed to consider names for her son. Sarah moved on to part two. Parenting advice. She was a parent, so again, this shouldn't be so hard. Except that her son resented the hell out of her at present, blaming her for every bad thing that'd ever happened in his life. Or would happen for that matter. Cameron was sitting next to her now since Kaci had retreated, muttering something about her bladder no longer being her own.

"Let me see that," Sarah ordered, watching Cameron's pencil whiz furiously across the paper. Halting her writing, the cyborg silently handed over her sheet. The others were too busy criticizing Kaci's taste in clothes to notice what was happening.

"Sun Tzu?" Sarah read incredulously. "What kind of name is Sun Tzu?"

"A Chinese one. Sun Tzu wrote _The Art of War_. It's one of the oldest and most influential books on military strategy. John will find it extremely useful in the future."

"I know who he is," Sarah snapped. "That's not the point. Pick a different name."

Cameron thought about it. "Adolf Hitler was an extremely charismatic leader. He was also very efficient when it came to mass slaughter."

"Pick something else."

"John is a good name."

Sarah glared. Her pencil remained in her hand, and she fought an urge to jam it into Cameron's eye socket.

"What about Morris? Morris wanted me to attend the prom with him."

"Fine. What about the other part?"

"I'm going to write down the date of Judgment Day, at least as far as we know. My advice will be that Kaci stock up on canned goods and prepare herself and her child for nuclear winter."

"You're not writing that. Say something else."

Cameron tilted her head minutely. "What should I say?"

"I…I don't know. Something that doesn't involve nuclear winters."

"You're a parent. Shouldn't you be able to give out parental advice?"

There that was again. Never mind that she'd never once been a _normal _parent, that she'd been separated from John for three years, that John couldn't stand being under the same roof with her. "Copy someone else's paper," she muttered gloomily.

Sarah wrote down the name Miles. She also scrawled a few sentences about keeping your children close. Then she checked Cameron's work, assuring herself that the metal hadn't written anything about genocidal German dictators.

* * *

><p>Mercifully, the games ended after that. Brenda's next item of fun involved scaring Kaci to death through the sharing of traumatic birth stories. Sarah was forced to listen to Brenda go on and on about her three hour labor that was just <em>so <em>agonizing. Remembering what she'd gone through with John, Sarah found it difficult not to laugh contemptuously.

Eventually, it became her turn to share a horror story. She had no intention of bringing up John's birth, not in front of these people. She was still surprised at herself for being so honest with Kaci, and she sure as hell wouldn't open up to Brenda. Which left…

"Guys, I don't think Cameron wants to hear about this," said Kaci. "It might freak her out."

"I second that," Sarah concurred.

"I don't mind. I won't get freaked out."

Sarah spared a moment to glare at the cyborg. Yes, she'd told Cameron to stop agreeing with everything she said, but the metal could've picked a better time to follow directions. "Not much to tell, I was totally unconscious."

"Really?" Margaret asked.

Sarah nodded. "Doc gave me some wonder drug that knocked me out the whole time. No pain, no nothing."

"Are you saying you don't remember anything about it?"

"After the needle? Total blank. Like it never even happened."

Following Janet's retelling of her C-section from hell (again, Sarah bit back a derisive chuckle), Brenda declared that it was time to eat. The elderly woman let her eyes drift to every guest after they'd loaded their plates. Like a chorus group repeating lyrics, Brenda's friends responded to her questions about the food in all the same ways. So delicious. So flavorful. Kaci's child would have to visit his grandmother often if he expected a decent meal. Sarah could feel Kaci tensing up next to her.

"These people have never even tasted my cooking," Kaci muttered. "How the hell do they know whether or not it's flavorful enough?"

"Well, I _have _tasted your cooking," Sarah replied quietly. "Be thankful that Brenda did the work. Your culinary skills are too good for them," she stated, nodding towards the other guests.

Cameron sat on Sarah's other side, picking at her food and doing nothing else. Brenda's eyes cut into her like a laser. "What do you think, dear?"

Cameron met Brenda's gaze square on. "I think many things, most of which can't be repeated here."

"Cameron," Sarah warned..

Cameron looked at Sarah. "Would you like me to repeat my thoughts about Brenda?" There was that hint of eagerness again, the eagerness that had no right to be there.

"The food, dear. What do you think about the _food_?" Smiling widely, Brenda awaited additional praise.

Cameron looked down at her plate, took a bite, chewed slowly, then looked at Brenda. "Adequate."

The frighteningly effusive smile dimmed. "Would you mind repeating that?"

"No, I wouldn't mind. The food is adequate. Passable. Not completely disgusting."

"I see," Brenda replied, turning her gaze on Sarah. "Those pills you gave her, shouldn't they have kicked in by now?"

Sarah made a show of checking her watch before answering. "Oh they have," she stated. "Haven't they, Cameron?"

"They have definitely kicked in."

"I see," Brenda repeated. "And these pills, they don't have any side effects?"

Cameron thought about this. "My last combination of drugs caused a slight rash, but that went away."

"How nice for you."

"Yes. Nice. My current combination of drugs causes me to become hyperactive." More ad-libbing on Cameron's part, delivered with her usual abundance of emotion.

"How unfortunate. But these pills you're on now, they don't…affect your taste buds in any way?"

"No. My taste buds are in fine working condition."

"Don't take it personally," Sarah advised, fighting off a smirk. "We've been spoiled lately when it comes to food."

"Have you. Been bringing home leftovers from the Mexican restaurant?"

"Not exactly," Sarah refuted, glancing over to the blonde sitting next to her. "Kaci's been letting me pilfer her leftovers. John and Cameron go nuts if I don't steal something from here at least once a week."

"Seriously?" Kaci asked, clearly flattered.

"Seriously," Cameron confirmed, directing her comments to Brenda. "John and I go nuts for Kaci's food. Kaci's food is freaking awesome."

"Well," Brenda said tightly. "I'm glad to hear it."

Cameron tilted her head. Brenda didn't sound glad at all. "Your cooking is not terrible. The mystery meat at school was only slightly superior to this," Cameron stated, gesturing towards her plate.

"Only slightly superior. I'm glad to hear that."

Sarah had been watching Kaci all afternoon. Several times, she'd offered quiet support while the blonde nearly shook with anger. Kaci was shaking again, trying and failing at suppressing her laughter. Sarah had to admit that the look on Brenda's face was massively entertaining.

"Yes," Cameron continued. "The Monday mystery meat special was only slightly superior to your cooking. John's former best friend Morris found fingernails in his special once."

Sarah and Kaci hadn't been eating anyway. Pregnant or not, Kaci said earlier that she wouldn't give Brenda the satisfaction of consuming her food. Sarah had readily agreed to a show of solidarity. Everyone else who _was _eating stopped doing so after Cameron's nail comment. Brenda's delicious and flavorful food was summarily abandoned.

"So Sarah, I gather that you're not much in the kitchen."

"Brenda," Kaci hissed.

"Kaci," Sarah said, touching her friend's arm. Without food as a distraction, Brenda had resorted to her previous strategy of bad-mouthing Kaci and everyone around her. Raising her voice to a more conversational tone, "Can't argue with you there. Kitchens are definitely not my domain." Idly, Sarah recalled the last time she'd been in a kitchen for an extended period of time. It involved Pescadero and a plot to get hold of a knife, and an unpleasant encounter with one of the soup servers.

"Oh well. Some people are born to serve food instead of make it."

Sarah groaned inwardly. She'd hoped that admitting her culinary difficulties would cause Brenda to lose interest in that line of insults. "What can I say."

Cameron promptly answered the obviously rhetorical question. "Sarah's inability to cook is highly beneficial to the community. The large amounts of takeout we order are all purchased from local businesses. Sarah's culinary failings help keep many small restaurants from going under."

Sarah blinked in surprise, unsure how to respond. Brenda didn't share that predicament.

"You must be very proud of yourself."

Sarah nodded, her speechlessness only momentary. "It's nice to know that my culinary failings are helping out the locals."

"Sarah is not a complete failure," Cameron stated. "She has her specialties."

"Do you. What kinds of specialties?"

What was she supposed to say here, aside from the truth? "I make pancakes."

"She does. Sarah's pancakes are freaking awesome."

"And you said you couldn't cook. What other specialties do you have?"

Sarah looked at Cameron. Cameron looked at Sarah. Getting no help from the cyborg, Sarah shrugged dismissively. "You know, this and that."

Cameron joined in again, seemingly hit with inspiration. "Sarah learned how to make blueberry pancakes last week. They were also freaking awesome."

"I aim to please," Sarah deadpanned.

At this point, Cameron pushed away the plate she'd barely touched. "Thank you for the food," she told Brenda. "It was not completely disgusting. I'm full now." Turning her attention to Sarah. "Can you make blueberry pancakes when we get home?"

"Sure," Sarah replied. She was somewhat worried about Kaci. Could someone asphyxiate from holding in their laughter?

"Thank you." To Kaci, "Can we steal leftovers from you tomorrow?"

Kaci was unable to speak. The murderous glares of Brenda and the rest were too much. The giggles finally overtook her, as did the tears of mirth that came from seeing Brenda so thoroughly furious.

"Are you all right?" Cameron asked, concerned with the moisture leaking from Kaci's eyes. "Do you require medical attention?"

Kaci shook her head no, raising her hand in a thumbs-up gesture as she continued to laugh. Sarah helpfully passed over her unused napkin. "Hormones," she explained, trying hard to keep a straight face.

"Oh," replied Cameron, nodding sagely. "If you do not require immediate medical attention, and if you do not require medical attention tomorrow, can we please steal leftovers?"

Kaci nodded without looking up, burying her head in her hands. Her shoulders vibrated under Sarah's supportive arm.

"So Brenda," Sarah began, still with an arm around Kaci. "You think I could get some recipes from you? Like I said, useless in the kitchen, and I'm trying to get my game past the level of fingernail mystery meat."

**Tbc…**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **It's done. Seriously, I mean it this time. And with the insanity at an end, I can only hope that you guys had as much fun as I did. Thanks again for all the feedback, and special thanks to avidreader for pointing out a moment of dyslexia on my part. To avoid any possible confusion, I point out that there are two places by the name of Palmdale. One's in Florida, the other's in California. It comes into play later. Anyway, read, enjoy, and please do review this final installment. Hopefully I'll see you all the next time my muse heads in a TSCC direction.

* * *

><p>"Should we be worried about leaving them alone together?" Sarah asked. Dusk was falling as she and Kaci sat at the table on the patio, both nursing ice teas. With the festivities at an end, Sarah's desire for alcohol had ebbed considerably.<p>

Kaci grinned, relaxing into her chair. One hand covered her stomach while the other contentedly fiddled with the straw in her glass. "Why? Cameron's already managed to clear out Brenda's party way ahead of schedule." The blonde couldn't have sounded more pleased about this. "I doubt there's anything she could say that would make Brenda any angrier."

Sarah returned Kaci's smile, taking a sip from her beverage. "You underestimate Cameron's ability to put her foot in her mouth. I don't know how you could possibly _do _that after today, but…"

"My only regret is that I don't have a camera in there to catch every minute of it."

Sarah shook her head and chuckled. After the discussion of Brenda's lackluster cooking, the party had naturally wound to a slow death. Nobody was eating anymore, and the majority of Brenda's culinary offerings went in the garbage. Cameron, noting Brenda's upset at the fate of her lunch labors, offered a helpful suggestion.

"Not all of it needs to be wasted. There's a homeless man who frequents this area almost every night. He routinely eats food out of dumpsters. I'm sure he would appreciate your food."

Beyond the point of censorship, Sarah had commented about how there was a market for everything, even Brenda's cooking. Brenda and her gang had scowled murderously. Kaci, also beyond the point of appearances, had giggled until she was tearing up again. There was ten more minutes of little else besides glaring and giggling. Cameron remained still on the couch, perfectly content with the silence. Sarah's main contribution involved staring down Brenda and her friends while keeping Kaci supplied with tissues to dry her eyes.

Following this period of scowls and laughter, Brenda's friends began leaving en masse. Sarah's favorite part of this, aside from the simple fact that they were leaving, involved the goodbyes between Cameron and the guests. Each of them declared what an interesting day it had been, and how nice it'd been to meet the girl. Cameron responded in kind, telling each and every one that she looked forward to seeing them again.

With the house cleared, the only thing left to do was clean up. "That's always the worst part about a party," Cameron remarked, as if she actually knew what she was talking about. To her credit, Kaci did offer to help Brenda straighten up. The woman was on the verge of saying yes when Sarah gave her a very pointed look. After the certified disasters that were their conversations, it was obvious that Cameron was the last person Brenda wished to be around. Sarah insisted that Cameron assist Brenda in the cleanup, and the metal hadn't argued. Briefly, Sarah had worried about leaving the cyborg alone with Trevor's mom. But, as with earlier when Margaret was in danger of getting her hand crushed, Sarah had adapted an uncharacteristically laissez-faire attitude about anything Cameron might do or say.

"So, you guys are totally coming to dinner next week, no more stalling."

"We weren't-"

"Don't say it. After today, I completely owe you. Bring John and Derek, I'll make some of my freaking awesome food, and if we get bored-"

"There's very little chance of that happening," Sarah declared. Bringing Cameron here for more than twenty minutes had been eventful enough. Sarah refused to contemplate what would happen if her entire dysfunctional excuse for a family were forced to sit down with a normal person, nibble dinner rolls, and pretend _not _to be dysfunctional.

"Still, if we get bored, I'll invite Brenda over and we can watch Cameron insult her again." Kaci's tone suggested that she'd like nothing more than this exact scenario. "You think I can borrow her for a few hours on Christmas Eve? Trev and I are supposed to eat at Brenda's."

"Kaci," Sarah said, shaking her head as she released another chuckle.

"I'll pay her. I'll pay _you_."

"I'm going to pretend that you're joking."

"Pretend away. But you're still coming to dinner."

Sighing inaudibly, Sarah decided to forego arguments or excuses for as long as possible. "I must say, you sat through an afternoon of Cameron, you've managed to grin and bear it with Brenda…I think you deserve some kind of medal."

"Please. You guys made a potentially horrible day into a totally great one."

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Constant criticism is totally great?"

"You know what I mean. I haven't seen Brenda that angry since…I guess since she found out Trev was having a kid with the pastry chef who has no goals, no personality, no redeeming qualities whatsoever."

"Let me guess, direct quote?"

Kaci shrugged. "She apologized later."

The apparent nonchalance didn't fool Sarah, who clenched her hands under the table "I'll bet she did."

"It's not a big deal. Speaking of which, you really should stop apologizing for Cameron."

"Kaci-"

"I'm serious." Glancing at the back door to assure privacy, Kaci leaned forward and lowered her voice. "Honestly, I think she plays up that social disorder thing just to see your reaction."

Sarah considered this, not for the first time. She'd wondered quite often if Cameron wasn't amping up the clueless robot routine simply to irritate her. Terminators weren't supposed to feel joy, even at other's discomfort, but Cameron had been gunning for that bird in their chimney for several weeks. And she'd certainly been eager to make Brenda miserable.

"Either way," Kaci continued, oblivious to Sarah's musings, "she's not that bad."

Sarah suspected that had Cameron's behavior been directed at anyone other than Brenda and her pals, and if Kaci wasn't still recovering from all the laughing, the blonde's reaction might not be as charitable. Not that Sarah was complaining.

"You should meet my cousin Laurie. She's a realtor in Florida, though how she ever sells anything is a mystery to me. You should hear some of the things that come out of her mouth, and she doesn't even have the Tourettes excuse."

The women shared another smile before falling into companionable silence. It was another rare moment for Sarah, who couldn't recall the last time she'd simply relaxed and breathed in the evening air. Her encounters with Brenda left her feeling strangely accomplished, not unlike the feeling she got when a mission really panned out. The current feeling was better though, since dealing with Brenda hadn't left her bruised or bloody, like the missions usually did. Sarah got in a few more minutes of quietly reveling in her success before Kaci's hesitant voice broke the spell.

"Sarah, can I ask you something? It's personal, and it's totally fine if you don't want to answer. I'm just…I'm curious I guess."

Instantly on guard, Sarah did her best to remain neutral. "Sure, fire away."

"You've mentioned John's dad a couple of times, but today was the first time I've heard anything about Cameron's father."

Sarah closed her eyes for a moment. She'd made an off-handed comment about Cameron's imaginary father. There was also that story of Cameron's birth. Brenda and the rest of her hyena pack wouldn't have known that John and Cameron supposedly had different dads, but Kaci certainly knew. "And you're curious."

"Sorry, too much. Me and boundaries, sometimes we have problems with each other."

Sarah allowed herself a split second before replying. "Don't worry about it. Cameron's father is out of the picture, been that way for a long time." Another in the endless list of lies, but this falsehood was actually comforting. Originally, Sarah had lied to Kaci about Reese's presence at John's birth because that was the happy version, the story Sarah wanted to be true. She lied now about Cameron's father, about Skynet, for many of the same reasons.

"I gather from your tone that that's a good thing."

Sighing, Sarah briefly averted her eyes. "John's dad was the love of my life. Cameron's father, not so much."

"That bad?" Kaci asked, wincing in sympathy.

"That bad. Bane of my existence."

Sarah's tone had Kaci reaching across the table, cautiously brushing the older woman's arm. "Was he…was he abusive?" the blonde prodded, obviously concerned.

Sarah allowed the contact for a second before gently withdrawing her arm. Concern from anyone seemed such a rare thing these days. "It wasn't a good situation, leave it at that."

Kaci nodded, looking shame-faced. "Sorry. Didn't mean to stir up bad memories."

As if her bad memories ever needed stirring. As if they weren't just below the surface, constantly fighting to bubble over. "It was a long time ago now, and it's over and done with."

Kaci nodded again. "Yeah, and at least you have Cameron. I mean bad as this guy was, something good did come of your being with him, right?"

"That's right," Sarah agreed, careful to keep the mask in place. With Kaci, for whatever reason, that mask wasn't quite so all-concealing. But it was still there, just as it always needed to be.

Another silence fell between them, but this one wasn't as comfortable. Kaci was restless in a way that she hadn't been in hours, since before the baby shower. "What's wrong, Kaci?"

"Nothing," was the instant reply.

"You and John are about even when it comes to ability to lie. I wouldn't be proud."

Rolling her eyes at Sarah's gentle teasing, Kaci gave in nonetheless. "I just wish Brenda would like me. No," she backpedaled, shaking her head, "not even like. I'd settle for her just tolerating me. But this whole passive-aggressive thing, I can't stand it."

"Well," Sarah replied, "I'm glad that you don't need her to like you. If she liked you, I assume it would be because you had qualities she respects. And if you had qualities she respected, I don't think you and I would get along that well."

Kaci grinned mischievously. "And if we didn't get along so well, no leftovers for you guys."

"I shudder to think."

"Yeah, I'm sure that would be the end of the world for you."

"The sarcasm wouldn't be there if you'd ever tried my cooking." Another quiet chuckle before the brunette became serious again. "Look Kaci, you don't need Brenda's approval."

"Just like I don't need Trevor?" Kaci asked dubiously.

Sarah sighed, recalling the conversation in Kaci's hospital room. "Trevor cares for you; he obviously cares for the baby. He's going to be around to help no matter where things go with you two."

"I know," the blonde admitted. "It's just…there's so much in front of me right now, and everything feels so uncertain,, and this stupid feud with Brenda…it's just one more thing added to the ten million other things I don't know how to deal with."

"You're going to be fine," Sarah assured her. "It won't be easy, but you'll make it."

"That's what you said the last time I got all whiney and insecure on you," Kaci observed self-deprecatingly.

"It was a stressful day," Sarah replied, parroting what she'd told Brenda earlier. "And I meant it last time. You'll figure a way to make it work." Seeing that Kaci still looked uncertain, "And if you really need to, you can borrow Cameron on Christmas Eve."

Kaci laughed, breaking the somewhat somber mood. Both women looked up as the back door opened and Cameron entered their midst. Kaci smiled as the girl approached. "Hey Cameron, your mom just said I could steal you for awhile at Christmas."

Cameron tilted her head, coming to a halt in front of the other two. "Stealing is against the law. Your baby-daddy is a police officer. Won't he be upset if you turn into a criminal?"

While Kaci laughed again, Sarah explained the blonde's possible need for more Brenda backup.

"Oh. Should I bring Brenda a present if I see her on Christmas Eve?"

"How about a muzzle?" Kaci muttered.

"That would make sense. Dogs often require muzzles, and since Brenda is a bit-"

"Get her a fruitcake, everyone hates those. Did you want something?"

"John called. He went out with Derek. He wanted to know when you would be home."

So the guys had run like scared rabbits to make sure they wouldn't have to come here. Sarah wasn't surprised.

"God," said Kaci. "Sorry guys, it was really sweet of you to stay. I didn't mean to keep you this long."

"You're not keeping us," Sarah assured.

"No, you aren't keeping us. Sarah's social life is practically non-existent."

"Thanks for explaining that," said the brunette, trying not to growl.

"You're welcome."

"You know, I think we left your pills in the bathroom. Let's get those, and I'll give you your evening dose, and then-"

"You have to leave. Let me see if we can't sneak you past Brenda."

"No," Sarah refuted, gesturing for Kaci to stay seated while she herself got up. "We do need to head inside, but I think we can spare a few more minutes. Right Cameron?"

"Right," the cyborg nodded. "My social life is also practically non-existent."

Cameron waited until Sarah had hustled her inside again before speaking. "How much more time will we be sparing? Brenda and her friends have been taken down a few pegs, just like you wanted. We kept Kaci from strangling Brenda, just like Kaci wanted. Our mission is complete."

"Our mission is complete when I say it's complete."

"Does this mean we won't be sneaking past Brenda?"

"No. We've got something else that needs doing with Brenda, and it doesn't involve avoiding her."

"Does it involve killing her?"

"It doesn't."

"You said that we would see. You said maybe later."

"Stop complaining. If you're good for the next few weeks, maybe you can shoot her on Christmas Eve."

Cameron considered Sarah's words. "Would this be your present to me, or your present to Kaci?"

"Ever heard of killing two birds with one stone?"

"Are you telling me to beat Brenda with a rock?"

"Shut up. Just shut up and listen."

* * *

><p>Five minutes later, Sarah entered the kitchen where Trevor's mom was still cleaning up. "How's it going in here?" Deliberately casual, Sarah leaned against the counter with her hands in her pockets. Brenda was on the opposite side of the counter, and she didn't look pleased with her company.<p>

"Sarah. I'm managing well enough. I thought you'd left already."

"Without my winnings?" Sarah nodded towards the nearby coffee table. In addition to Kaci's largely useless haul of presents, there was the pile of prizes that Sarah and Cameron had collected during the games. "Anyway," the brunette continued, "I wanted a chance to talk with you privately before we headed out."

"Oh?" said Brenda, scrubbing a rag over the counter with unnecessary vigor. "I thought that you said quite enough already. You and that Cameron of yours. She really is such a charmer."

"That she is.. But that's not what I wanted to speak with you about. You mind if we discuss Kaci for a minute?"

Brenda scrubbed the counter harder, avoiding the younger woman's gaze. "Kaci? Kaci seems fine to me. Quite happy in fact. I thought she might hurt herself from all the laughing."

"And I'm sure you would've hated to see her injured," Sarah replied. "Listen, we don't really know each other, but can I offer you some advice, one mother to another?"

Abandoning her scrubbing, Brenda dropped the rag and looked at Sarah, practically bristling. "Advice? Like you said dear, we _don't _know each other that well. And since _my _son is a respected law official while _your _daughter is an insolent, pill-popping-"

"You don't want to finish that sentence," Sarah warned, an edge creeping into her voice. "You finish that sentence, I'll stop being civil And don't call me 'dear.' I don't know what your problem is with Kaci, and I don't particularly care. What I do know is that you're not going to get anywhere doing this."

"I see. And what is it that I'm supposedly doing?"

"Treating the mother of your grandchild like garbage," Sarah replied. All vestiges of friendliness were gone from her voice. "Like it or not, Kaci's part of your son's life. I don't know what'll happen with them, and I don't really know your son, but I'm fairly sure he's a good guy, so I give you credit for that much."

"Thank you," Brenda hissed. She was clenching her teeth in much the same way Sarah had done for most of the afternoon.

"You're welcome. Trevor seems like a good guy who'll try to do good for his family. And if you continue to bash the mother of his child, or if you start filling his son's head with bad ideas about her…I doubt Trevor will put up with that. If it goes on long enough and you force his hand, I don't think you'll like the result. You're going to lose your son, and your grandson, and I really, really don't think that's what you want."

"Who are you to say what I should or shouldn't do?" Brenda raged, finally dropping the sweet old lady act that no one with eyes would buy. "How dare you presume to tell me about my family? You're just a neighbor Kaci clings to because nobody else wants to be her friend!"

"You want to talk family? I'm telling you that you're not going to _have _one unless you back off. As for friends, Kaci would've had a lot more of those today if you'd made that a possibility. But I guess it's easier to gang up on someone when she's alone. Seems like dirty tactics to me, but what do I know? I'm just the neighbor."

"This is ridiculous. I don't have to stand here and listen to this." Shaking her head in disgust, Brenda walked around the counter, headed for the living room. As she passed, she looked at Sarah like she expected the younger woman to stop her. Not a bad assumption, given the look on Sarah's face. But Sarah didn't try stopping her, and Brenda got to the place where the living room met the hallway that led to the back of the house. She got that far before Cameron stepped out of that hallway and in front of Brenda, cutting her off.

"Yes you do," Cameron stated, stepping towards Trevor's mother.

"Do…? Do what?" Brenda asked, backing away from the advancing terminator.

"You do have to stand here and listen to this," Cameron explained. She kept moving forward and Brenda kept moving backwards, until the woman was back in the kitchen. Trapped between Sarah and Cameron, staring at the brunette with very wide eyes.

"I…I thought you wanted to speak privately," Brenda stammered. She addressed Sarah, but seemed uncomfortable with having her back to Cameron.

Sarah smirked. She'd seen this before, people suddenly terrified of Cameron without knowing why. Despite the pretty and petite body, Cameron retained a terminator's talent for intimidation. Sarah found it rather entertaining to watch the metal at work. Usually, she was too busy or too angry or in too much of a hurry to do this. "I did want to talk alone. I _do _want to talk alone. Just pretend she's not here."

"Yes," Cameron said, extremely close to Brenda's right ear. "Pretend I'm not here."

"What is this? What's wrong with you people, what are you doing?"

"Right now? We're showing you how Kaci felt today." Sarah let Brenda squirm and sputter a few seconds longer before motioning Cameron to come stand next to her. "You may not get this, but your son could do a lot worse than Kaci."

"Yes," said Cameron. "Trevor could choose to be with someone who reminds him of his mother."

"I'm not saying you have to like her. I sure as hell don't expect her to like you. But a little respect doesn't seem out of the question."

"Yes, respect. Like the Aretha Franklin song. Written and performed in-"

"Cameron."

Cameron fell silent.

"Kaci's trying her best with you; you might as well meet her halfway. She's got enough worries with being a new mom, with Trevor…I don't think she needs you adding to them."

"I don't think so either."

"And I'd rather not hear any more stories about your thinly-veiled attempts at making her miserable."

"Are you threatening me? I'll have you arrested. I'll call Trevor and-"

"I will call Trevor for you," Cameron offered. "I will tell him every detail of what you've done and said to Kaci since we arrived. I have an excellent memory."

"No one needs to call Trevor because no one is threatening you," Sarah stated, leaning towards Brenda as she spoke.

"Yes. There are no threats involved. If we were threatening you, you'd know it." As she said this, Cameron left Sarah's side to circle Brenda like a vulture as the woman attempted to back away.

"No threats involved," Sarah stated as Cameron circled around to stand on her other side. "We're just chatting about the fact that I'd rather not hear any more about you making Kaci's life difficult. World's a mess as it is, it's probably going to get messier. Why add to anyone else's problems?"

"Sarah will hear if you continue adding to Kaci's problems, Sarah and Kaci talk about things. They are gal pals."

Before Sarah could respond to that, all three of them heard a door opening. Seconds later, Kaci joined them in the kitchen. She walked in to find Sarah and Cameron leaning casually against her counter, and Brenda looking much paler than usual.

"Hey. What are you guys up to?" A hint of suspicion bled into Kaci's voice as her eyes moved over the three of them.

"Not much," Sarah replied easily. "Found Cameron's pills, ran into Brenda, we got to talking."

"Right. Talking about what? Brenda, are you okay? You look a little…."

Brenda spared half a second to glance at Sarah and Cameron. "I…I'm fine, Kaci."

"You sure? "

"Fine, dear."

Eyebrows raised, Kaci crossed her arms, staring between Sarah and Cameron. "What did you say you guys were talking about?"

Sarah shrugged dismissively, quite enjoying the look on Kaci's face.

"We were making conversation," said Cameron. "Having girl talk. Brenda, Sarah and I are gal pals now. Right Brenda?"

Brenda nodded, looking rather ill.

* * *

><p>"Do you think she lives in Palmdale?"<p>

Sarah glanced at her companion as they walked the short distance between houses, laden down with baby shower prizes. "Who?"

"Kaci's cousin Laurie. She's a realtor in Florida; do you think she lives in Palmdale?"

"I have no idea. You were eavesdropping."

"Yes. Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"Kaci said that something good had come from your relationship with my father. You agreed. Did you mean it?"

Squinting at Cameron in the dark, Sarah wondered again how much damage her chip took during the explosion. "You do understand that I was lying through my teeth."

"Yes. But sometimes when you lie through your teeth, you aren't completely lying."

"I don't know what you're asking," Sarah replied, adjusting her hold on a plastic bag full of body washes.

"I'm asking if you were really lying."

Sarah blew out a breath, wondering again how she managed to get herself into these situations. "You're a machine. The fact that you're here means that we failed, that _I _failed. That John's and a lot of other people's live are going to be a hellish, apocalyptic nightmare. What do you want me to say?"

Cameron merely looked at her as they approached the house, head tilted sideways.

Sarah rolled her eyes, looked to the sky, and waited for a freak lightning bolt to materialize out of the clearness. When that didn't happen, she swallowed past imaginary bile and forced a reply. "You have your uses. And some nights I don't fall asleep dreaming up ways to kill you."

"Oh. Thank you, that was a nice thing to say."

Sarah made a noise that was half annoyance, half dismissal as she unlocked the house and stepped inside. Heading into the kitchen, she carelessly dumped her winnings on the counter.

"Why couldn't you give Kaci advice?"

"What?" Sarah asked, turning to face the machine again.

"The game. You were supposed to write down parental advice for Kaci. Why did you have difficulty?"

"Cameron…"

"You are the single greatest mother of all time. Doesn't that make you qualified to offer parental advice?"

Chuckling sardonically, the brunette replied, "Single greatest mother of all time. Why don't you tell John that and see what happens."

"I don't need to tell John that, he has told me. Many times."

"Future –John," Sarah stated, understanding dawning in her eyes.

"Future-John," confirmed the cyborg. "Future-John sees things that your John can't yet. Future-John, along with the majority of humanity, understands what you've done for the human race, the sacrifices you made. Future-John, along with the majority of humanity, will consider you the single greatest mother of all time."

Fuck. Sarah hated when the cyborg said things like that in such a matter-of-fact way. Now she had to feel guilty about the six or seven times this week she'd threatened to pull Cameron's chip and roast marshmallows over the remains of her endoskeleton. "Thank you," she said quietly. "Thanks for saying that."

"You're welcome. Would it be entirely bad if Skynet went online?"

Sarah blinked repeatedly. Trying to keep pace with Cameron's computer brain was going to give her whiplash someday. "Would it be entirely bad if the computer system I've been trying to destroy for the last sixteen years went online and blew up the world? Is that what you're asking me?"

"Yes."

"Is this a riddle or something?"

"No, not a riddle. John's former best friend Morris told me a riddle once. Would you like to hear it?"

"No. Get back to Skynet."

Cameron agreed readily enough. "If Skynet goes online, billions of people will die instantly. They will be completely incinerated, the flesh seared from their bones."

"I got that part, make your point."

"Those that survive the initial blast will most likely perish from radiation sickness, enduring slow, agonizing deaths. Statistically, Brenda and her friends have a good chance of being in one group or the other. Even if they do survive, they are elderly. Elderly people don't do well in Skynet work camps."

"What are you getting at?" Sarah asked, quite certain that she already knew.

"You spend a great deal of time discussing the value of human life. Would you be very upset if Brenda and her friends died during or after the nuclear explosion?"

Sarah shook her head. "You're trying to say that it would be a _good _thing if Brenda and her buddies were cooked alive."

"Every cloud has a silver lining. Was that bad to say?"

Chuckling at something that was utterly unfunny, Sarah began rummaging through her prizes. "It was a horrible thing to say."

Cameron dug through her own bag of baby shower loot, mirroring Sarah's actions. "Was it bad to think?"

"No. You've met them, so thinking it was logical. Meeting people like Brenda makes me wonder why we do this, why we bother."

Cameron stopped examining a selection of bath beads long enough to meet Sarah's eyes. "I thought that we did it because of people like Kaci."

Well. Score one for bionic Barbie. Pulling the bottle filled with candy out of her bag, Sarah teasingly raised it in Cameron's direction. "Well. Here's to every cloud having a silver lining."

"Even the mushroom clouds?" Cameron asked, retrieving her own candy bottle and touching it to Sarah's.

"Even those," Sarah agreed, silently musing upon the ridiculousness that was her life. Still, an optimistic, glass half full cyborg was probably better than the alternative.

Meanwhile, Cameron was examining both bottles very closely. "Can we switch?"

"Huh?"

"Can I switch with you?" she asked, holding out her candy. "Your bottle holds more caramel pieces."

"And?"

"I like caramel."

Sarah set down her own selection of sweets, pushing it towards Cameron. "Go nuts, have both. I hate the dentist."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it. Really."

It was at this moment that tires could be heard on the gravel. Seconds later, John and Derek entered the house, carrying a few small bags of groceries. Sarah's eyes immediately fell on the case of beer in Derek's left hand. Her brand, not his.

"Thought you might need this after today," he stated, joining them in the kitchen and setting the beer down.

"I do," Sarah replied, thrown off by the gesture. "That was uncharacteristically nice of you."

"You're welcome. What the hell is all this?"

"We kicked ass and took names at the baby shower," informed Cameron, sliding her winnings away from Derek. As usual, he'd been scowling since he saw her.

"I guess that sort of answerers my question about how things went," said John, loading their purchases into the cabinets and refrigerator. "Still, how did things go?"

"Brenda was a bitch."

"Brenda?"

"Trevor's mom," Sarah explained, twisting the cap off one of the beers without caring how cold it was.

"Trevor's mother was a bitch. She and her friends didn't like us, so they left early. Kaci was very pleased."

"Kaci was pleased that you wrecked her party?" Derek asked, frowning as Sarah handed him a bottle of lavender body wash. "What am I supposed to do with this?"

Sarah shrugged as she took a swig from her drink. "I'm not going to use it, and you always say that you can still smell the tunnel stench on you."

"It wasn't really Kaci's party, it was Brenda's. Kaci was very pleased that we wrecked Brenda's party."

"She's pushing dinner next week," Sarah added.

"She spent an entire afternoon with you and she's still pushing dinner?" asked Derek. "This Brenda must be a real piece of work if she makes you guys look good."

"Yes, Brenda is a real piece of work. Sarah said that we would not throw down with Brenda, but she lied."

"You fought with Kaci's…almost mother-in-law?" asked John, shelving the last of the groceries.

"We didn't fight," Sarah refuted. "We talked."

"Sarah did the majority of the talking. Afterward, Brenda became very pale and complimented Kaci's shoes. Here" Cameron had made her way to John's side, holding out one of her three bottles of candy.

"What's this?" John asked warily.

"Candy. I won it, but you can have it. This bottle contains Sweet Tarts."

"And?"

Seeing that John had no intention of taking the candy himself, Cameron set it next to him on the counter. "And, I don't like Sweet Tarts."

"Thanks," John replied, eyeing the gift dubiously.

"You're welcome, but don't misinterpret my intentions. My offering you candy does not mean that I will offer to pop your cherry. Future-You was very clear on the fact that no means no."

Derek spewed the beer he'd just opened all over the place as he tried to stop choking. Sarah barely avoided getting his spit all of her shirt. Mortified, John looked from one to the other, realizing that while his mom looked pissed off and traumatized, she didn't seem as shocked as she should. "What," he began, struggling to get the words out. "What the hell do you two _talk _about when I'm not here?"

"Today we discussed baby showers. We are going to throw Sarah a baby shower on her birthday."

Through his wheezing, Sarah thought she heard Derek choke out something about knowing that she and the paramedic were getting too close.

"We also discussed lesbianism and Sarah's desire to experiment."

Derek continued to choke, but his watering eyes held a clear look of intrigue.

"Jesus," John muttered, pressing his hands against his ears and heading quickly for the stairs. "I can't be in here, I can't hear this."

'I don't _want _to experiment!" Sarah yelled at her son's retreating form, suddenly wishing that the earth would open up and swallow her. Better yet, that it would open up and swallow Cameron, saving Sarah the trouble of getting the thermite from the shed.

"Are you going to accept Kaci's dinner invitation? If you do, are you required to bring something? I can teach you how to make chocolate chip pancakes."

Sarah thumped Derek hard on the back, more a punch than anything else, pulled out her gun simply because holding it made her feel better, then left the room. She'd been saving their last batch of thermite for Cromartie, but they could always get more.

**Fin**


End file.
